Holding On
by a-citizen-of-asgard
Summary: Pristine white walls and the overly-powerful smell of disinfectant, that's what I think of when someone says the word 'hospital' to me. I also think 'Dear Lord no, get me the fuck away from there', but that's a different matter entirely...


_**Basically, the past few weeks have made me feel like crap, and I've been meaning to write something for a while but exams have got in the way, so here, have an angsty Pepperony on-shot fueled by my negative energy...**_

* * *

Pristine white walls and the overly-powerful smell of disinfectant, that's what I think of when someone says the word 'hospital' to me. I also think 'Dear Lord no, get me the fuck away from there', but that's a different matter entirely.

A month ago my life changed in a way that was going to be fantastic, amazing, every other synonym for those words that I can't think of right now. I proposed, and Pepper said yes. Admittedly, I hadn't exactly expected her to say no, but saying that makes me sound like my ego is one hundred times bigger than it actually is and as the whole world knows, Tony Stark's ego is the size of a planet anyway.

But yeah, we got engaged. Don't get me wrong, marrying Pepper is just the icing on the metaphorical cake, I don't need a piece of paper to show that I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her, but right now I'm scared that even that won't be possible.

Three days ago, we were at home (for those of you who have been living under a _rock _for the past year, she moved in with me, get with the program for Christ's sake) I was in the workshop getting grilled by Jarvis for causing a minor explosion and Pepper was upstairs on her laptop sorting some meeting thing, I don't even know what. After emptying three fire extinguishers I went upstairs to grab something to eat and ended up deciding to see if Pepper wanted to take a break and head out for lunch, so I went to see her. And she wasn't there.

So naturally, I panicked, I mean c'mon wouldn't you? Go upstairs to ask your fiancé if she wants to go out and you find an empty living room, her laptop, shoes and jacket exactly where you'd watched her leave them a few hours ago, no explanation as to where she might be?

I made Jarvis run a scan, track her phone, all kinds of things to try and get a location. Eventually after about an hour, we got a signal from her phone and tracked it to the cliffs on the coast about half a mile down the road. I got into the suit, it's faster than a car, and shot off and when I got there, well, let's just say the guy holding the gun to her head didn't last very long.

But neither did Pepper. From a distance before I dealt with the bastard with the gun, she looked battered and bruised, but with enough strength to stand on her own. Only when I got closer to her did I notice he had been holding her standing, and when he fell, so did she.

It was when I caught her I saw the blood.

Little red rivers trailing down from her abdomen, following the creases of her crumpled skirt.

She tried to speak but the only sound that came from her was a choked sob as she looked up at me. I watched helplessly as her eyes slipped closed, begging her to stay conscious, my own eyes screwed shut to hold back inevitable tears. She was dead. My Pepper, the one thing in this godforsaken world that I cared about and she was gone. When Jarvis alerted me that her pulse was still there, faint, but there, I was off like a rocket for the hospital, cradling her carefully in metal-clad arms and praying to every deity I could think of that she would live through this.

It should be me not her.

And ta-da, we've come full circle and here I am. In the small hospital waiting room while the love of my life is inches from death in the private room next door that they locked her away in after they brought her back from the operating theatre. That guy had shot her before I got there and the doctors had to get the bullet out. They won't let me see her while they're running tests; the doctor said he'll call me through when they're done…

Now, Pepper has no family, but how do I explain it to Rhodes, to Happy if she does die? How the hell am I supposed to say she died and there was nothing I could do to save her? They'll hate me for the rest of mine and their lives, though no-one would hate me more than I would hate myself.

This was my fault… If I'd gotten there quicker, heck, if I spent less time blowing up the 'shop and more time making sure Pepper was okay, I could've stopped this from happening.

Which brings up another question as to how in hell she ended up being taken in the first place, I mean it's not like the security in the mansion is exactly low-tech. I have no idea who the guy was and I didn't exactly wait to find out, but I am definitely finding out, I can't have people I care about being in danger…

* * *

Forty-five minutes later and the doctors and nurses started to leave the room. Eventually, one of them comes over to me.

"Can I see her?" I pleaded, every part of me desperate to see her, but at the same time, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to hold myself together when I saw her. He led me into the room and left me there.

Now, Pepper has always been on the dangerously slim side, but the fluorescent lights make her look skeletal. And she looked so, so pale, not her natural pale either. She looked, well… dead.

I sat down on the edge of the bed carefully and took her hand in mine. I looked down, her engagement ring standing out brightly and felt myself on the verge of breaking down again.

"Pepper please, I can't lose you, you're all I have… I promised myself I'd be there for you and I promised I would love you but I can't lose you this way… Please Pepper, wake up, wake up…" I trailed off, my hand covering my face as I cried, still holding her hand tightly.

Suddenly, I noticed that the room was eerily silent, spare a low, constant noise coming from the side of the bed. Already knowing what I would see I looked up to the heart monitor to see a flat, level line on the screen.

"No."

"No no no no no! Pepper! Pepper please no you can't be!"

I was sobbing again, yes, this story may be surprising you, but Tony Stark does cry. Wouldn't you? If you were where I was?

Then I was being dragged from the room, forced to let go of her hand and pushed back into the waiting room while the hospital staff attempted to revive the one thing I lived for. And I'm not going to lie to you, I'd already calculated a hundred different ways to get myself to the afterlife because Earth sure as heck hadn't got anything for me anymore.

It's strange how detached from everything you suddenly feel when someone you care about dies. It was as if I was only half-present, everything felt slowed down. There were people rushing past me, I think at some point someone said my name but I didn't react. Couldn't react.

I heard the shout of 'Clear!' come from Pepper's room followed by the buzz of electric as the defibrillator was slammed against her chest.

Once.

"Clear!"

Twice… Then nothing.

I stood up on shaky legs and made my way to the door, they tried to stop me from going in but fuck it, this was my fiancé and I wasn't giving up on her. Pepper was the strongest person I knew, she had saved my life on multiple occasions and she had never once had to wield a weapon to do so, she was better than anyone ever could be.

I forced my way through to the bed and sat down again; they'd already given up and were packing the defibrillator away. I took her hand and kissed it gently before holding it to my arc reactor and resting my forehead against hers.

"You can't die on me Potts, I've already paid for your wedding dress," I murmured softly, "Come back…"

An unsettling silence hung over the room, but it was broken by a single, solitary beep from the heart monitor and all eyes turned to the screen next to the bed.

Another beep.

Then another, stronger.

Ignoring all the people around me, ignoring their words and their mutterings of 'miracles' and 'impossibilities' I kept Pepper's hand over the reactor, feeling the faint pulse in her wrist and watched in complete shock, relief and amazement as those gorgeous blue eyes I adored fluttered open and she whispered hoarsely,

"I thought I told you… I didn't like that dress…"

* * *

The hospital let Pepper come home about a week later, but she's on all sorts of medications and I'm not letting her out of my sight. She says I'm being unreasonable; I would like to argue that I'm not.

And I'd like to clear something up before you all jump down my throat. I'm well aware that the whole 'she came back after she'd flat-lined' thing sounds like it came right out of some angsty chick-flick drama, so let me explain. When Pepper regained consciousness, the doctors had to do more fucking tests and ended up finding out that she hadn't actually flat-lined.

Turns out the machine was faulty and registered a faint heart beat as nothing, essentially showing that Pepper was dead even though she wasn't. All I can say is I'm glad they decided not to go any further with the defibrillator, any more of that and she really _would _be dead. Thankfully though, those two low-intensity shocks were just enough to give her a boost and get her heart going again.

The hospital staff apologised and promised that they would 'sort out one-off problems like this for the future'. Damn right they will, but it'll be someone else's job to see if they do, because I am _never, ever _giving _anyone _the opportunity to put Pepper in that position ever again.

We've had to post-pone the wedding for a couple of months but in the meantime, I'm working through the glitch in the mansion's security system that allowed for that guy to get in. Don't get me wrong, I want to do this, but at the same time I don't because working on this means being away from Pepper and right now after what happened that's the last thing I want to do, but she insists that she'll feel safer once it's done.

And she's still moaning about the bloody wedding dress.

* * *

_**Sorry, I couldn't kill Pepper off. Make my day and leave a review if you want :)**_


End file.
